Major life update

I have not blogged in so long. Looks like the last time was 7yrs ago. Time has been a theif. I regret not keeping up on this. There is so much that will be forever forgotten. 

Major changes...I had another baby. Little Jolina Love is 4 and has captivated my heart in every sense of the word. I’m truly powerless of her and because of this I am so thankful she is an angel. I would be in big trouble otherwise. 

I have been separated for nearly 2 yrs from my husband. It has been bittersweet and I’m certain I will be touching in this in the future. 

My mother passed. She battled leukemia for almost a year but lost and died November 8th of 2018. Another subject that will be touched on. When I’m ready. 

I moved 4 yrs ago to Moses Lake which is in Central Washington. Another bittersweet. I’ve made an incredible life here and started a cleaning business that supports my family. 

My blog will touch on recovery, God, divorce, running a business and being a single mom of 5 kids (2 of them with special needs).  

With all that I just listed, I have a lot to say, and in desperate need of a place to say it. Venting will be the theme. Hopefully some major self awareness and growth will be derived and hopefully a wonderful source of enjoyment for those in my life.

Getting organized

Our computer is up again so I thought I would blog once more. I really enjoyed the outlet. I've been putting it off because I wanted to "catch up" on what has been happening and write all about it. But that is a big task since it's been a year and a half. I've decided to jump in right where I'm at and fill in the blanks later. Which leads me to this post.

I have a tendency to put off things until I can do it right which means some things never get done. I will let laundry pile up because I want to reorganize the drawers before I add new stuff. One day an idea came to me and I was shocked at the brilliance...put the clothes away now, get it out of the way and organize later, maybe one drawer at a time. Duh~!

It took until the fourth kid, yes the fourth, to start making this change in my life. I had to. I was being taken over by chaos. The kids now have a color system. Nevaeh is Blue, Selah is Pink and Danica is Green. I haven't figured out Savy yet (she is the new one. I will get to her later)

 Towels! I was washing an endless amount of towels. They would leave them on the floor and then I would have no idea if they were clean or not so I washed a load of towels every other day in addition to the two loads I already do daily. Now, they grab their color and put it back when their done. Towels are included in the color wash and only once a week.

Toys! Everywhere!!!! Not anymore. Now they have their own basket and they are allowed 5 toys and they go into rotation weekly. This I've gotten away from a bit over the last few weeks but it's easy to slip right back into and the house is no longer swimming with toys. They enjoy and play with them more too. Go figure.

Shoes! I use to run around looking everywhere for their shoes. I could find one but not the other and it would make us late. It was a constant fight and battle. Now shoes go directly in their box and they get their own shoes now and put them on themselves.

My other motto is procrastinate now and panic tomorrow. I'm finding my peace and tranquility....sort of. Anyone else have great ideas they want to share. I'm all ears!

Getting by

So I'm preggos and it's kicking my butt. Around 6 weeks the morning sickness, aka: all day sickness, fired off and has gotten progressively worst each day. Now at 7 weeks it's in full throttle and it's all can do to not vomit. I heard taking Unisom at night and B6 during the day helps and I've started that. It seems to be working. The last two days have been significantly better. Not totally better, but better. The other thing that is worse this time than any other pregnancies is the exhaustion. I'm assuming it's because I have 3 kids and my husband works during the day. He use to work evenings and was very helpful to me during the day....lots of naps.

I could use my babysitter but thanks to me running into the garage door our budget is taking a hit and by the time I can afford her again I will be in second trimester. So I'm pounding coffee, EmergencyC and munching on crackers. I'm doing only what is absolutely necessary in term of house work and child care. Jason has a lot to take on when he gets home and has been  a life saver during his lunches. Make no mistake this pregnancy is kicking his butt too.


So the kids are living on Top Ramen, PB&J's, mac and cheese and cereal... it won't kill them for a month.
The clean clothes are in respective piles all over our bedroom floor. Just sort through your pile...it's in there somewhere.
And I'm dumping bleach in the toilets to soak instead of scrubbing...if I get any closer I will be vomiting in there.
The toys are thrown on the couch instead of the bins...it's easier to find what your looking for.

On the upside... I dreamed we were having a boy!!!

Bribery

Nevaeh was about to lose another tooth and we didn't want to do another tooth day party with cake because we have noticed a tooth in the back that could be a cavity. What to do, what to do? Well, She loves Angry Birds. LOVES them.

We told her she had a tooth that had to come out and we would pull it out and she could have Angry Birds instead of cake. She was thrilled. Yanked the tooth, went to Walmart and viola..... happy little girl.

Our next move of Bribery was with Selah. She is potty trained and rarely has accidents if you don't count going number #2. To this day she has still never used the potty to go #2. Soooo frustrating. She waits until naptime or bedtime when we put a diaper on her. If she can't wait for that then she waits until she is outside playing. It really sucks when we are at a park. I can't tell you how many pairs of underwear I've simply thrown away. I'M NOT DRAGGING THAT HOME IN THE CAR. Blech!

So the last time at the park and she did the deed it was so bad I had to lay plastic down on the chair and just drive her home to bath. That was the last straw. On the drive I said to Selah "you are a big girl now, you will be 4 in a few months and this has to stop. You need to start using the potty for #2 now. Will you please try?" and she said so sweetly "OK, Mama."

Nothing....

So yesterday she picked out her Angry Bird toy that she wanted and she was told she could not have it unless she went poo poo in the potty.

Nothing....

This kid. The damn toy is sitting in the cupboard in the kitchen. It could be there forever. 

Love one Another

I had written a blog awhile back about loving others. I loaded it with scriptures and strong opinions and I ended up deleting it because, quite honestly, I had a chip on my shoulder and it all came out badly. I don't have that chip anymore but I do still feel compelled to talk about the matter.

I see so many Christians not walking in love.

I was talking in frustration to a friend in Seattle about some of the relationships I'm building here. I asked her point blank, "What do I do?" She answered quickly without falter, "Love them even if they can't love you back."

"UGH!!!', I told her, 'I'm not good at that." But, as soon as I said it I knew that it didn't matter. The Bible talks about loving your enemies. I'm not claiming I have any enemies but I do feel that love is lacking. I'm in an environment where people look at faults and errors in a character make-up and it's their job to work people through that. It becomes a problem when those gifts pour out into daily relational activities. To have that kind of critical eye can become a shortcoming rather than a blessing if it's not submitted always to the Lord because that is when judgements and perfectionism can get in the way of being loving to each other.

So how do I do that and still be sincere? I don't want to be "fake-loving" people. I want to actually "be loving" toward others. I've been praying about it and about specific people and really trying to do some of the following things:

1. Assume the very best about someone regardless of my gut reaction. I know that sounds naive and silly but it prevents me from dwelling on bad behaviors. It forces my mind to stay focused on their good qualities.
2. Choose to not be offended.... no matter how hard it is. Trust me...I'm spending a lot of time praying which leads me to number 3;
3. PRAY! When I was in AA, one of the things that I had to do was pray for people I struggled with for 14 days, asking God to give to them all that I wanted for myself. Trust me, it DOES turn your heart around.
5. Find ways to love them. I haven't really gotten into this but I've been thinking about ways I can show love by things I can make or buy or do to bless others around me.
6. Accept people in their mess. Lord knows I'm inundated with flaws and even though I can feel the critiquing and judgments coming from others, it doesn't mean I have to do that. I can choose to look beyond that and accept them right there, right now, as they are. Isn't that the ultimate act of love?

Jesus says "Come as you are." He didn't say "Come when you get your shit together." Thank God for that. I would never be good enough so why do I expect others to be "good enough" for me? How self righteous?!! No wonder people are fleeing from Christianity. What a burden to be perfect and expect perfection from others. NO THANKS! I will take mess any day and from anyone.

Dennis the Menace

Today as I was cleaning up the house I was thinking about some old movies I have watched. I was thinking about women that had wild children that always got into mischief and the mother was always at her wits end. Other mothers would look on sympathetically and say "sorry for your troubles."

Now days the look and comments are harsher. The mothers glare at her and usually make comments to others and sometimes to the mother about areas where she should be improving. Advise or just straight insults. Mothers with a Dennis the Menace are in big trouble in this day and age.

My opinion on this? Well, I think we have too much information and we are all so "educated" on parenting that we think we have the angle on it all and if your kid is bad then you are bad. If your kid is wild then you have no control. You must not discipline. Don't you know about time outs and spankings?

Granted there are some dead beat parents. But, I can't help but think of it in relation to my relationship with Christ. I don't always do what I should. In fact, there was a huge part of my life where I flat out ignored, rebelled and ran from Him. He loves me and created me for crying out loud. Who better to listen to then the one that made you. But, I know better and after all, He is the one that gave me this free will. I can do what I want!!! Do we blame God for our behavior? Of course not. It certainly comes with consequences and quite frankly the temptation to do what I wanted vs. the consequence still had me making the wrong choice. Me and Dennis have a lot in common.

What is the lesson here?  Don't have a Dennis the Menace and if you do, grow some thick skin. I have the feeling I have a Dennis. I am still in denial maybe but I'm working on some thick skin...just in case.

Slow down and think

Yesterday was some day! I had been after Selah all day to slow down and think. She is a little like a bull in a china shop. She slammed into Danica several times. Once, while playing around and twice in a fit of rage, thrusting her body around or away from me and accidentally slamming into Danica. We had time outs and talks about cooling her jets. I mean what is this kid's deal anyways? Why can't she just have some sense of what is going on around her.

Well.... I had to yank the plank out of my own eye WHEN I backed out of the garage with the trunk lid up and the garage door not all the way up. WHAM!!!! Bent the whole bottom part. I was so mad at myself and so upset that Jason had to go talk with the Director of my spaced out maneuver. Thankfully he was quite gracious and did much to ease our nerves.

Now I'm not saying that I'm wrong for teaching Selah to chill out a little and try to practice self control but I think I will be more effective when I can slow down and think a little better myself.  How many of us are shooting comments and judgements at someone when we ourselves are guilty of the same thing? We judge what we know and what we can identify... can't do that unless you have personal understanding of it.

Anyhow,  I'm going to lighten and try some new strategies. Like, saying things in front of her. For example: "I need to slow down and think before I leave the house today, do I have everything packed? Is the car ready to go, IS THE GARAGE DOOR OPEN." You know, common sense stuff. It will be good for her....and me.