Nostalgia

Two afternoons ago we decided to go on a walk. Now, on our walks we make it maybe 1/8 of a mile. Nevaeh, the wanderer, never lets us get too far. We must stop and look at the cows, bugs, birds and ants. There are flowers to be eaten and nature to soak in. It's her favorite thing on earth.....all of earth.

We made it to the High School....1/8 of a block and we made the decision to play in the football field since school was out. Reaching the back of the school I see the public pool that is located at the park right next to the H.S....I knew that there was a pool at the park and that people come here to play Frisbee Golf... don't ask, I honestly don't know what the game is all about, but it's a fast and growing sport around here. What I didn't know, was that there was miles of hills, a bubbling brook with bridges, beautiful flowers growing, picnic tables, BBQ's and a huge play area. How did I not know about this?

We spent hours there. There was a farm at the top as well with about 20 baby cows. Jason and I were trying to navigate them towards the exit when they stopped on a bridge to watch a mini waterfall. I said "come on girls...lets go." Nevaeh's fast reply was "no, we throw rocks." To which Selah repeated. I was about to get after them when I thought "what the hell" and picked up a rock and thew it....FUN! I picked up more and started aiming for big rocks, metals and of course the water. As we were picking our rocks out to chuck down the waterfall I had a flashback to my childhood. My sister and I were never home in the summer. We would play along our brook and played in our woods and our parks and we chucked rocks and explored our neighborhood until dark every day. What a fun time and now I get to do it all over again.

It never occurred to me that one of the highlights to being a mom is getting to live out your childhood again. This time with a lot more control and understanding of the quickly lost and fragile state of our youth.

Easier said than done

One of the changes we have made in our home is we now uphold the Sabbath. Sundown on Friday to Sundown on Saturday. I thought "OK, no problem, this should be a breeze and I finally get a full break." Right? WRONG. It's soooo much harder than I ever expected. Listen, I hate doing dishes and laundry and picking up the same stinkin toy over and over again, but, not being "able" to do that very thing is torture. I had to keep stopping myself all day the last week. Then, on Sunday when I woke up, I popped right out of bed, hurried the kids downstairs for their breakfast and set to work. I got the dishes done, wiped the counter, tossed on the toys in the bins and rushed upstairs to fold laundry. As I sat on the floor sorting and putting the respected item in the right pile for put away my mind begin to think over the last hour. I LOVED cleaning up the house. I was enjoying what I feel, at times, I'm forced to do whether I want to or not. How refreshing.

This Saturday was even more difficult. I forgot last night that it was the Sabbath and I did not prepare the house or myself. This morning when I came down to the mess my sweet hubby left the night before baking his late night craving I had a choice to make...do I live in this or clean it up.  We won't work unless we are asked by someone and than we will unto the Lord as a ministry or service. I decided  when Jason got up I would ask if he would take care of it for me. He delighted himself unto the Lord on my behalf! Feels a bit like a loop hole. Baby steps!!

Next week is bound to get easier. Each time we get a little better at this. And I'm learning and understanding why it's a good thing and why the Lord asked us to do this. I have an appreciation for what I do every day and I have a day where I can reflect and deny myself for the sake of my King. He is so smart.

I need to lighten up

So I did....

Today was suppose to be my sleep in day. Around 8:30am little miss Selah Janae came crawling into bed. She was being so sweet and wanting to cuddle. I was beyond irritated. How could Jason forget to lock the door? My one day! As I screamed for Jason and he came running and got Selah, with her dragging her feet and screaming Mama, I realized.... I need to lighten up. So what if she woke me up. Big deal.

Instead of turning an irritating moment into a sweet, quiet cuddle time with my little one I gave her a loud message and that message is that I care more for sleep than her. Shame shame shame.... then I thought... I should lighten up on me too. So I blew it. Big deal.


Lets just start over. He mercy is new every morning, even when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

Migraine Blues

I did not blog yesterday because I was laid out all day and night with a horrible headache. It started late in the day when we decided to go to a park in Prairie City. Nevaeh did not want to leave and now I will give you a glimpse of living with Autism.

Nevaeh: Can I have play
Me: No you cannot play. I'ts time to go home.
Nevaeh: Can I have play, please, please, please, can I have play.
Me: No. We are going home.
Nevaeh: Can I have angry, We go play.
Me: Yes. You can be angry but we are leaving.
Nevaeh: CAN PLAY. NO WE GO PLAY. PLAY PLAY PLAY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLLLLEEEEAAASEEEEE
Me: enough...we are leaving
Nevaeh: WE GO PLAY NOW. I SAY YES. I SAY NOW. WE GO PLAY. CAN I HAVE HAPPY. WE GO PLAY. NOW. PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEAAASSSEEEE
Are you annoyed yet, tired, irritated?
This actually carries on all the way to the Van and you would think that would be the end of it but carried on in the Van all the way home. Sreams, cries, asking over and over and over and over and over. Then it carried on at home until we put her to bed. 2 hours. She was mad and we all heard it.


The onlookers were shooting me disapproving looks. Which leads me to my rant and hopefully a lessons to the reader. In most situations you can watch a child's behavior and decide what kind of home-life they lead or what kind of parent they have. I'm sure it looks like I must give in all the time and these kids are out of control. But with Autism. It doesn't matter if you say no or how many times. If they get their mind on something or if it's suppose to be a certain way (in their mind) then they demand it that way. She literally freaks out when things don't go according to plan. They do not live on normal standards. They march to the beat to their own drum and quite frankly, on a good day, it's what I love about her most.

What doesn't work is: spanking, yelling, getting mad, taking away a toy, grounding, bed with out dinner, time outs...NOTHING WORKS. You simply ride the storm until it blows over. So, on-looker-prideful glare-I would handle that different-I wouldn't put up with that from my kid, understand that the moment you were just privy to is my every day and every moment. And just because you know someone who has an Autistic kid does not mean you understand what it's like to live with an Autistic kid. 50 years ago they lived in homes because it would not have been expected of a parent to handle this. I'm wondering the same thing myself but I keep trucking. Somehow, every day, the Lord gives me the strength and wisdom to get through the day and for the most part enjoy it. It's just the public-out in front of strangers-days that get to me the most. It's difficult not being understood. I'm just so thankful that I have a husband that understands and rides the storms with me and so thankful I have a King that equips me and holds me. He is the lifter of my head.

Red Rock

Yesterday I just needed to get out of here and play so I packed up the girls after lunch and we drove to Red Rock. That is an area on a huge lake (largest in the state) that has some beaches and fun parks. The last time we were there we found this closed off boat launch that is no longer in use. The huge log comes into play later on.

 As you can tell it's pretty vacant and on our long walk down to the water I really had to pee SO I WENT. Yep right on the road. It couldn't be helped. Well, Nevaeh thought that looked like a pretty good idea, so she went. Selah of course, had to do what sissy was doing. After the deed we all carried on again.




The girls were having a blast and I was trying to keep them from going out too deep. Danica was not getting it. It became our first, and I fear not the last of many wars. Here comes the log. I dragged that ridiculously huge tree out and set up a barricade. I was feeling pretty proud of myself until....



   They began using it as a floatation devise. They were literally trying to ride it out to sea. This battle went on for awhile until I had to call it quits. If you could see a picture of me you would see me dripping with sweat, needing to pee AGAIN and frustrated beyond belief. What is that you say? Did we have fun? Uh, yeah of course... why would you asked such a thing... this is life as a Webb.....collapse


You would think that is enough of the story and an end to a webb-perfect day but we decided to go to a baseball game that night. Teen Challenge was playing Cornerstone church. Side note: made a new friend from cornerstone, yeah me. We got there early to say hi and watch just a little bit because our kids go to bed early and we still had not ate dinner and needed to do some shopping. Things were going well and I was really enjoying myself UNTIL Nevaeh decided she needed to take a dump.... in the lawn, in front of God and all these lovely church going folk. And guess who couldn't get mad at her. Needless to say we made our mark and headed out as fast as we could. Side note #2: My new friend was not flustered in the least and had to offer a few stories of her own. The worst part of all of this is that I brought the potty with us "just in case."