Thursday, July 7, 2011

Things you need to know before you become a parent

In the beginning.

  • It hurts to breastfeed. Even if your doing it right! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
  • They will attempt to bite you.
  • If you breastfeed long enough they will get teeth and the suffering starts all over again.
  • If they don't roll off the changing table, couch or bed you will inevitably drop them at some point. Basically, you will be responsible for at least one mild concussion.
  • In playing around with them you will most likely hurt them on accident. Don't fret we all do it. They are like jellyfish the first year.
  • There will be spit ups that drench your entire body and even in your mouth. I don't recommend holding them above your head.
  • You will feel like you will never get another good night won't
  • When changing their diaper you will be urinated on and shat upon
Case in point... Nevaeh sprayed the entire living room furniture at a month old. When changing her diaper she let lose (grunting and all) and hosed the living room with bright orange, sweet smelling poo. I mean, it seriously shot out like a cannon.

In the middle
  • You will find yourself having ridiculous conversations with toddlers that do not exceed the 2nd grade in logic and intelligence. And you'll be the one that started it.
  • You will have ridiculous arguments with your spouse about parenting. After the first child you join forces and turn on the children instead.
  • You will be desperate at times for adult interaction to the point of exhausting a perfect stranger that foolishly asked "how are you." 
  • You will start to think that good night sleep might happen more than two nights in a won't
They will capture your heart and you will be unable to remember or imagine life without them. Children are truly a blessing and a joy. The first "I love you" or "mama, hug." The first wet kiss. The first crawl, step, climb, leap, jump, crash. The first everything.

In the end

I hope it never does end....Be fruitful and multiply everyone.


    1. that's awesome! i read this to my friend Spencer and we were both cracking up over the phone. Well done Christina. your a brilliant writer and wonderful mom. :)

    2. Everything I read from you is so natural; so unpretentious. I just love it.

    3. Thank you... I'm really starting to enjoy this too. It's so therapeutic, which was an unexpected surprise.