We found out a few weeks ago we were pregnant and almost immediately (within a week) lost the baby. I didn't feel like it bothered me that much and just felt more determined then ever that we are definitely going to start officially trying to have another baby. As most of you know we have had a few chemical pregnancies and a miscarriage (baby Eden.) Other than losing Eden we took it in stride and did not let it interfere with our daily lives. Just moved on to have wonderful and healthy babies.
On Sunday the worship leader of our church just celebrated the birth of their fourth daughter. I thought "aw, that is awesome." After church when we went home and I headed up for a nap, it hit me sort of suddenly and shockingly while trying to go to sleep. I let it come and let the tears wash away the hurt and disappointment. I felt better, or so I thought. Today I feel a little depressed. It's easy to spot because my house is trashed and I can't seem to find the motivation to get up and do anything about it. The kids have watched an endless amount of Veggie tales and I have ranted about nothing much on the phone with my friend Lacey. If it wasn't for the crockpot and the chicken I pulled out yesterday for dinner we would be having Top Ramen to boot.
In all honesty it just brings me back to Eden. My baby in heaven. What does he/she look like? Does he/she look down on us and rejoice with our good times and plead Jesus to help us in our bad times? Does he/she even worry about such things? If I was there would I be worried about such temporary things? Probably not! When all eternity is before you, this life is but a blink of an eye. Soon enough I will meet my lovely child and he/she can teach me all there is to know of the everlasting and our creator who chose to keep this little one to Himself. For that fact alone I know Eden is special and that is why we picked the name.
P.S. Thank you Lacey for putting up with my rants today ;)