Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Now your pregnant...now your not

We found out a few weeks ago we were pregnant and almost immediately (within a week) lost the baby. I didn't feel like it bothered me that much and just felt more determined then ever that we are definitely going to start officially trying to have another baby. As most of you know we have had a few chemical pregnancies and a miscarriage (baby Eden.)  Other than losing Eden we took it in stride and did not let it interfere with our daily lives. Just moved on to have wonderful and healthy babies.

On Sunday the worship leader of our church just celebrated the birth of their fourth daughter. I thought "aw, that is awesome." After church when we went home and I headed up for a nap, it hit me sort of suddenly and shockingly while trying to go to sleep. I let it come and let the tears wash away the hurt and disappointment. I felt better, or so I thought. Today I feel a little depressed. It's easy to spot because my house is trashed and I can't seem to find the motivation to get up and do anything about it. The kids have watched an endless amount of Veggie tales and I have ranted about nothing much on the phone with my friend Lacey. If it wasn't for the crockpot and the chicken I pulled out yesterday for dinner we would be having Top Ramen to boot.

In all honesty it just brings me back to Eden. My baby in heaven. What does he/she look like? Does he/she look down on us and rejoice with our good times and plead Jesus to help us in our bad times? Does he/she even worry about such things? If I was there would I be worried about such temporary things? Probably not! When all eternity is before you, this life is but a blink of an eye. Soon enough I will meet my lovely child and he/she can teach me all there is to know of the everlasting and our creator who chose to keep this little one to Himself. For that fact alone I know Eden is special and that is why we picked the name.

P.S. Thank you Lacey for putting up with my rants today ;)

8 comments:

  1. The very last line of Psalm 23 comforted me greatly this weekend (actually the whole chapter did) as I wondered whether we'd be meeting our baby in seven months or if we'd have to wait until this life is through: "And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." That is a long time to be able to spend with the ones we have loved and lost. Though Eden isn't in your house playing with her sisters and delighting her mama and daddy, she will be with you in the house of the Lord forever. I'll be there too and we can have coffee dates. :-) xoxo

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  2. The thought of having coffee with you in eternity made me giggle. What a beautiful thought. Thank you for sharing that. It is VERY comforting.

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  3. We have 3 waiting for us in Heaven. Samuel, Hannah and Morgan. I can't wait to meet them. Each we lost before 10weeks gestation. Losing Morgan was our hardest loss since we actually we planning on having him. If he would have made it to term, he would be turning 1 at the end of the month

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  4. Wow.. thank you for sharing that. I'm sorry for your earthy losses and excited for your heavenly gain.

    I saw a play one time that showed Jesus meeting a women at the gates of heaven and in his arms held a baby that she lost....can you imagine!!

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  5. Please forgive my ignorance, but what is a "chemical pregnancy"?

    Miscarriage is heart-breaking. We lost one very early on before our other children were born.

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  6. Its wear the egg meets the sperm and life begins... it travels down and tries to implant and for whatever reason it doesn't so you end up having a fairly normal period and miscarry the baby. Most people never even know but I know my body and so I knew right away and got an early positive preggo test

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  7. I too have grieved for my babies (2) and my most comforting thought is one someone gave me. You are a successful parent if you've got a babe in heaven. Imagine - never being alive in a sinful world! Imagine - always knowing the all-encompassing love of God. I hold those thoughts around me like a blanket when I miss the children I never knew.

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